I love people.
I can say I love seeking knowledge, love the prospect of a vibrant future but that will be disrespecting the meaning of love.
I love people.
I highly value my logical orientation of justice over mercy, but people do weird things- they make me irrational, emotional and vulnerable.. and not care about it. On love, I do not play game theory- I give knowing I will never receive the same amount. I lose sanity of my psychology- I let people impact and influence me much pass its proposed effect. I am incapable of poker face, my honesty shines visibly on my every physical expression, on love. I'm thankful that this world was good to me, for family and friends who taught me how to love.
God but I love this person, please bring us together. God, help me love more, so that I may grow and please you, I ask.
but..what is human love, but another parcel of this world. Even as the object of the greatest command, it pales in comparison to God. I regard love, loving and being loved as if it's Kingdom on earth, as God Himself, when love is not God. God is God. I've been sinning by idolizing love.
perhaps it's because of my innate desire to seek perfection and purity that I've sinned.. to experience something so sublime beyond our capabilities, to transcend and become something greater than of this visceral body and limited intelligence. but I break and shatter when I face its limits, when I see the one thing I regard to be impenetrable brutally pierced. I am most stumbled when realizing that others' love for me and my love is actually really ugly, selfish, conditional, limited and nothing but a pathetic endeavor to fake intrinsic weakness and serve ourselves. It's anything but purity, divine, completeness and perfection. It's not God.
I realize now why my mom would tell me that God wants us to go to church on Sunday rather than go volunteer or help a sick person. What is the drive and end product of such actions- oh love, but a human love? love is good, but not good enough; it won't save me. As a fallen human, what will bring me closest to what my entire body desires, to purity, to perfect and divine that I seek so thirstily is praising God. Worshiping God with all my might, though its motives might bear human wickedness and selfishness, is really the best bet I have in obtaining sublime in this world.
I love you, I care about you, my heart weeps when I see you suffer. I will cry for you, I will be vulnerable, I will let you hurt me, bring down my pride and I will even kneel, easy.
but I'm not gonna fantasize to think that I can obtain selflessness, that I can obtain and give God through love. my words 'I love you' contains all of me. but at a heartbeat I will deny everything I am, my all to choose God. love is good, but not nearly as good as God. you are important but not as important as God. don't let me fool you. if I have to, I will deny you and run away so that I may praise and worship God.
God is God, nothing can represent who He is.
this is my frank manifestation on what I love the most in this world- on love.
