but it's not like i'm thinking about the good old times
but like this feeling of 'blank'
at this incomprehension
w/ any hope of understanding removed
so just in this blank stage knowing that this is supposed to be emotional/painful
i feel like i'm going through a horrifyingly painful surgery and i know it in my head
yet i have a anesthetic (idk how to spell it lol) inserted
so i dont actually feel anything
but it's like i KNOW that it's supposed to hurt alot
